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TRIGGER WARNING -
This website has been created in memory of our son Griogair who was born 8th July 2015 & died September 1st 2015.
*The website has also been created with other parent's in mind.*
When we found ourselves and Griogair in the William Harvey Hospital in Kent, & then the Trevor Mann's Neonatal intensive Care Unit in Brighton, we started scouring the internet for stories from other parent's.
We hope that this website maybe of help, and of use, to other parent's who find themselves in similar circumstances to that of ourselves.
My pregnancy with Griogair was rather turbulent.
I suffered from violent bouts of morning sickness.
(I have since had my Gallbladder removed; discovered that i have an Auto-immune Thyroid condition, and am also negotiating PTSD.)
The sickness was constant throughout my pregnancy, - at any time of day or night, up until the point that Griogair's water's broke.
(It's safe to say that stress levels were rather high.)
1st Bleed 13-14weeks:
I will always remember the musty smell from our old kitchen. I think we were counting through forks and spoons of the property that we had been renting, - when i felt pressure in the area of my bladder, and i hastily excused myself and dashed to the bathroom. Within a minute, blood was everywhere, i panicked and went into shock, realising that i had to get to a hospital asap. I shouted for Tim, and unfortunately with his keys stuck in his van, we hastily told the land lady's friend -who was going through the inventory with us, that we had no option but for her to drive us!
We all bundled into the back of her car, myself vomiting and pouring with blood... so, so relieved when we reached the doors of the emergency department of the hospital!
I was then lying on a hospital bed for what seemed like hours, still bleeding, the Dr's and nurses expecting me to miscarry our baby at any moment.
At the same time, Tim was having to arrange for a friend to come and pick up our 2 yr old daughter.
Time passed, our daughter was picked up by friends, and i was sent over from Perth Royal Infirmary to Ninewells in Dundee to stay overnight.
Morning came, and i was sent for a scan. I was so emotional and teary as i went to be scanned. I waited to be told "I am so sorry" however, i then saw our wee baby clearly on the scanner's screen!
I remember feeling so confused, pleased, yet terrified, all at once. I found myself in a state of grief.
(Very light bleeding continued throughout the period between the major bleeds. We learned that the Placenta was covering his way out.)
2nd Bleed 18weeks :
The heavy bleeding started on an evening when we had gone up to Speyside, and i ended up being admitted to Dr Gray's Hospital for the night. I was scanned the next day.
Griogair was thankfully still alive. I was discharged and told that the consultant would contact my other consultant at Perth hospital.
On returning to Perthshire, i received another scan.
3rd - Bleed 21 weeks:
We had decided that we would travel to Kent whilst Tim was working, as we were better together as a family unit if i were to experience yet another heavy bleed.
On travelling to Kent, within a day, i ended up having another heavy bleed. I was admitted to hospital and in hospital, Griogair's waters broke. It was a terrifying time of uncertainty.
Life & Death
When Griogair's water's broke at 21 weeks - the consultant had a duty to offer a termination of pregnancy, which would have meant our son having an injection to stop his heart beating, and i would still of had to of given birth to him. (This was stark reality.) We were sat down, and we discussed in length the real possible outcome of the pregnancy with the consultant. She was very honest, as there was a real possibility that our son would die or suffer serious brain damage from prematurity, - however, we came to the conclusion that we would let him have an opportunity to try to live, knowing from his scan's that there was no evidence of brain damage prior to birth. It was truly terrifying, as i could of had a major bleed at any time, and died along with Griogair also - due to the position of the Placenta, that was covering his way out.
The day of my 30th birthday came, and so did long awaited steriod injections. From the day my water's broke at 21 weeks - i spent most of June in hospital, that was, until i was given Steroids to help Griogair's lungs develop. (Administering steroids, gives preterm babies a much better opportunity of survival.)
Labour was a very traumatic experience.
The following video may be distressing for some.
It documents the moment from when our son was born on July 8th 2015 up until his death on 1st September 2015.
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